


5 Times People Told Clint "I'm Sorry" And 1 Time They Didn't

by EarthsSassiestHeroes



Series: Amerihawk: 5 Times [1]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Weed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-01
Updated: 2013-06-01
Packaged: 2017-12-13 14:40:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/825461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EarthsSassiestHeroes/pseuds/EarthsSassiestHeroes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone keeps telling Clint they are sorry. It all starts when Coulson ends things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	5 Times People Told Clint "I'm Sorry" And 1 Time They Didn't

“I can’t do this,” When Clint hears those words leave Coulson’s mouth it was as if the entire world had suddenly slows to a halt.

“What?” Clint knows what he said. Deep inside he knows that he means it. But he has to be sure that he hasn’t misheard. Hasn’t misunderstood and let his insecurities rush over him like a tidal wave.

“I was legally dead Clint. That kind of thing changes you. I can’t live my life knowing every time you get called away you may never come back.” Phil’s words are quiet and yet they fill the surrounding silence like thunderous footfalls, ringing in Clint’s ears.

“But I...” Clint’s words trail off. It is taking all of his will not to openly sob. He feels as though he is slowly crumbling. Caving in on himself. The words that die on his tongue sting. I love you. I need you. I would die for you.

“I love you Clint but I can’t do this. I can live my life waiting to bury you. And I could never live with myself if I asked you to give it all up.” Clint can feel the painful sting of his own tears burning down his face listening to Phil’s words. His knuckles are white as he grips the chair. He isn’t aware of what he can see. He just stares blankly. He feels empty. Fragile as if someone were to jostle him, he would crumble to dust and blow away in the breeze.

He feels a sharp pain in his soul as Phil stops to place a gentle kiss on the top of his head. “Whatever happens, don’t ever doubt that I love you.” His thumb moves to wipe a fresh tear from Clint’s cheek before he moves across the room to the door.

“I love you,” Clint’s voice barely above a whisper as he turned to see Phil leaving.

“I’m so sorry,” Phil sighed not turning to look back. Knowing that seeing the pain in Clint’s eyes would make him lose his resolve. When the door closes, once Clint is sure Phil is out of earshot, he dissolves into deep wracking sobs.

 

Depression

 

He heard the door open quietly from his place under the covers of his bed. He doesn’t quite recall how he got there. He remembers crying in Phil’s office until his back ached. He remembers slipping out of headquarters hoping to avoid anyone. Somewhere along the way home he had texted Natasha. He left me.

“It’s me,” her voice called from the doorway. She sounded concerned which struck Clint. She was always so collected, calm and well for lack of a better word Russian. He rolled over to see her standing by the doorway. She had a large grocery bag in one hand. In her other hand was a brown paper bag from the liquor store. “I brought bourbon, an ounce of Bruce’s private stash and an entire red velvet cake.”

“You are the best friend a guy could have,” he sighed quietly.

“I’m even prepared to hug you if need be, and you know how much I fucking hate hugging.” Natasha replied with a smirk.

“He’s gone Nat. He said ‘I can’t do this’” Clint said feeling the all too familiar sting of tears. She looked at him with a combination of sympathy and sheer rage that only she could manage at once.

“I’m gonna roll a joint. Change out of your work clothes and into something comfy. Then we can eat cake and you can tell me all about it.”

“Nat?” Clint asked as he was changing, her back was to him as she expertly rolled a joint.

“Yeah?” She said not looking up.

“Thanks.”

“No need to thank me,” she replied as she moved to light the joint. She turned passing it to him. “I’m sorry you had to go through this,” her voice soft as she exhaled slowly filling the room with smoke.

 

Bargaining

 

“Where is Clint?” Bruce asked looking around the bar and realizing the archer wasn’t anywhere to be seen. The team had taken him out to try and raise his spirits. Even though Steve and Bruce didn’t drink they’d agreed. Bruce could tell the break up had taken it’s toll on Clint. It had been a week and Clint looked miserable. Bruce was pretty sure he had walked in on him crying in the kitchen at least twice. His eyes were red and swollen. And JARVIS had informed Tony that he hadn’t slept more than a couple hours each night.

“I’m not sure. I think he said he needed to use the bathroom,” Steve offered. Natasha looked from Bruce to Steve and back a look of concern crossing her face.

“I’ll go find him,” Bruce offered as Natasha moved to stand.

He found Clint in the men’s room in one of the stalls talking on his phone quietly, his words slightly slurred.

“Please, Phil just listen,” Clint’s voice tinged with desperation. “I just... I know... Look I told you, none of it matters.” Bruce could hear a quiet sob barely audible above the music being played over the speakers in the bar. “All that matters to me is you!” His voice raised now. “Please don’t Phil... Don’t hang up.”

There was a long moment of silence and Bruce gently knocked on the stall door when he was sure that Phil had in fact hung up on Clint.

“Clint, it’s Bruce.”

After a long pause he heard quiet sniffles as Clint blew his nose and opened the door. His eyes avoiding Bruce’s.

“You OK?”

“I just need a drink...” Clint muttered. Bruce walked up and pulled him forward into a hug.

“I’m sorry Clint. I know this has been awful.” Bruce’s voice was soft and caring. Clint could feel the tears welling up in his eyes.

 

Anger

 

“Who the fuck ate my leftovers?!” Clint screamed as he stood in front of the open fridge. At his words Tony and Thor exchanged concerned looks.

“Uh for the record they were everyones left overs buddy,” Tony’s voice cautionary a sense of worry in it.

“I WAS going to have them for dinner tonight!” Clint shouted as he turned, slamming the fridge door shut. Tony looked at Clint his eyes wide his jaws agape.

“Clint I know you have been dealing with much stress in these past weeks.” Thor’s voice was calm as if facing a cornered animal. “I understand that the end of your relationship with the Son of Coul has been very difficult for you.”

“His name is Phil for fuck sake! Phil Coulson. Not Agent! Not Son Of Coul!” Clint snarled anger radiating off of him.

“I meant no offense by it Clint,” Thor’s voice remaining calm despite the daggers being shot at him from Clint’s eyes. His hand reached out slow and tentative to grasp Clint’s shoulder. Noticing the hand approaching him, Clint reared back and punched Thor square in the face. Thor grunted softly at the impact.

“JARVIS please get Natasha down here,” Tony said quietly as he backed slowly towards the kitchen door.

“I do not wish to fight with you,” Thor’s voice calm but a little bit irritated. His hands held up palm outwards in a gesture of passivity.

“Well I guess we can agree to disagree!” Clint’s voice venomous as he began in earnest to punch Thor in the face repeatedly. The loud thudding ringing out through the kitchen as Clint landed punch after punch on the taller man’s jaw. It went on like this for more than a minute before Natasha showed up.

“Clint! STOP!” Her voice rang out like an explosion. He looked down at his hands, blood all over his knuckles.

“I am sorry my brother. I know you are in pain.” Thor said quietly as met Clint’s suddenly worried gaze.

 

Denial

 

“Knock knock,” Clint said announcing himself in the doorway to Tony’s lab.

“Hey Katniss, happy Hunger Games!” Tony replied looking up from his workbench gesturing to Clint’s bandaged hands. Natasha had convinced him to see a doctor the next day when it became apparent he needed several stitches and had almost broken his hands pummelling Thor’s face.

“Haha Inspector Gadget,” Clint said smugly.

“Good one! Love a slightly obscure children’s cartoon reference!” Tony beamed. He was glad Clint was seemingly in a better mood. He stood approaching Clint. “What brings you to the lab so late?”

“There was something I was hoping you could help me with,” Clint said moving forward so he was now face to face with Tony.

“And that would be?” Tony’s voice half an octave higher as his eyebrows raised inquisitively.   
“I think you know Tony,” Clint’s voice suggestive.

“I well... Hmm..” Tony replied taking a step back. Clint responds by putting his hand out to rest on Tony’s chest.

“Don’t think I haven’t noticed you staring at my ass Stark,” Clint’s voice low as his hand gently caressed it’s way across Tony’s chest.

“A guy can appreciate another guy, can’t he?” Tony’s voice betraying him as a slight flush spread across his face and down his neck.

“There’s a whole lot two guys can do. But you and I know plenty about that don’t we?” Clint’s voice quiet as he again closed the space between them both. Before Tony could rebut the statement, Clint’s lips were on his. Soft but needy, he placed a hand on Tony’s lower back and another at the nape of his neck. Tony gasped softly at the feeling of Clint’s tongue in his mouth.

“I can’t Clint,” Tony sighed as he pushed Clint away from him breaking their kiss. “You’re hurting and I get that. I went through it when Pepper and I called it quits. But fucking your friends is only going to leave you with a bigger mess than you already have on your hands.”

“Right. I get it,” Clint muttered trying not to sound hurt and failing. “I’ll leave you to your robots.” He swiftly moved to the door not trusting himself to maintain his composure much longer. Just as he was leaving he heard Tony call.

“Clint, I’m sorry.” He pauses for a split second at the words before rushing to the elevator hoping Tony doesn’t see him crying.

 

Acceptance

 

It has been six and a half months since that fateful day in Phil’s office. He’d be lying if he said it doesn’t still hurt sometimes. But it had gone from a gaping open wound to a soft ache. The kind of injury that flared up when it rained. Only instead of rain, his pain flared up when he saw an older man in an impeccable suit or those nights he woke up from a bad dream and realized there was no one next to him in bed to hold him. All in all his heart was mending nicely.

It was a beautiful evening, the sun setting over the city as he sat out on one of the many balconies near the top of Stark Tower. He loved watching night falling over the city.  

“Mind if I join you?” Steve’s voice called quietly from the glass doors that lead out to the balcony.

“Of course not,” Clint said turning to smile softly at Steve.

“How are you doing?” Steve’s question was a loaded one despite his intention at light banter. They had all been extra cautious around him after his outburst in the kitchen.

“I think I’m finally getting back to my old lovable self Cap,” Clint smiled affectionately.

“I think I speak for everyone when I say that I’m glad to have ya back,” Steve returned his smile. They sat in comfortable silence for a long period as the sun set over the buildings. As the sun finally disappeared completely past the horizon Steve turned to Clint.

“I’ve wanted to say something for a long while now and it just never seemed like the right moment.” Steve’s tone was serious, his voice quiet.

“If this is about the whole acting like a spoiled shit, I assure you it’s behind me Cap,” Clint replied as he turned to meet Steve’s eye.

“No, nothing to do with that Clint,” Steve smirked. “I’m pretty sure your hands were worse off than Thor’s face. And after what happened I think you were justified in acting out.” Steve paused, taking a deep breath and moving the chair he was seated in closer to Clint’s turning to face him head on.

“It’s just. Everyone was saying how sorry they were for what you were going through. They sympathized. Sorry that it had to be the way it was.” Clint was listening intently trying to figure out where Steve was going with this. “But I wasn’t sorry. I’ll admit that as guilty as it made me feel I was a little bit glad. Phil didn’t deserve you if he was going to let the danger we always seem to be in get in the way of him loving you. I...” Steve paused looking down at his hands as he shifted uncomfortably under Clint’s eyes. “If I had a guy like you... I’d be so proud. Yeah it’d scare me to death the idea that one day you might not come back from a mission. But that’s the price we pay. I’d never let that stop me from being with someone. Especially not someone as brave and selfless.” Steve was speaking in a hushed tone not able to meet Clint’s eye.

“Steve are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Clint asked quietly.

“I know it’s completely out of line and I just... I wanted to get it off my chest. I know it’s way too soon and that I’m a complete creep for pulling this when you’ve got a broken heart. I just... I’ve always thought you were swell, and I just... When he did that to you... I couldn’t believe anyone giving up someone so extraordinary.” He stood as he finished. Flustered and embarrassed by his own rambling. “I’ll leave you. I shouldn’t of bothered you with this.” He turned to go but felt Clint’s hand on his shoulder.

“Steve, wait.” Clint’s voice was quiet but pleading. Steve turned around to face Clint. He was taken by just how close Clint suddenly was. “All I ask is that when you break my heart, you give me a good reason.” His voice trailing off into a whisper as he pulled Steve in for a kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Just written on a lark cause I wanted to write something with sad Clint and it ended up being themed with the 5 stages of grief. It almost ended up being Steve getting punched, Thor getting propositioned and Tony kissing but my damn OTP wouldn't have it. And besides there isn't enough of it! Hope everyone enjoys and comments and kudos are my crack!


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